Dear Friends,
I hope 2021 had been kind to you! I am grateful to those who had become my source of support in various forms and depths. Thank you for the rainbows you hung before me as reminders of better times will follow.
As I am saying goodbye to 2021, I would like to take a moment to summarize my year and carry what I have learned to 2022 with me. It had been a year half filled with challenges, uncertainties, and frustrations. Yet it was also a year of growth, friendship, and enlightenment. As humans, we often wish for nothing but better moments. I try to look at life as a photograph, without the shadows, there would be a lack of definition and contrast to make light beautiful. Matter of fact, shadows characterized the photograph or you'd just be looking at an uninteresting white image.
My year felt like it went by like a breeze and I am having trouble recollecting all that had happened. I started checking off my goals of giving stand-up comedy a try. I loved it and want to get decent at it and spread some laughter by telling my tragically funny stories. I did my second set for the New Talents Competition at Yuk Yuk's. It was a big win to just made it up there to tell my stupid jokes. My friends thought I was quite ballzy but in reality, I was just bored to hell from the extended lockdowns and needed to keep myself entertained. Of course, I feel proud of myself for that and my goals and dreams for comedy are continuing to evolve.
In August, my life was turned upside down when I was facing the loss of a dear childhood friend. She was one of the ones I had envisioned visiting now and then when I am old and crazy. One of those I could go and do crazy things with after the kids are all grown up. She had taken a piece of me with her. It was a hopeless realization that letting her go wasn't a choice, and holding on to her wasn't an option except for the memories we shared together.
In the midst of that, I had to deal with a few things and people who were (I use "were" because I wish to extinguish them out of my life, but one or two still remains "unflushable") just toxic to my emotional and physical health. All of these were toxic partners in some form of my life, were narcissistic, and advantage seekers. They are the ones that I wish to do without amidst all the uncertainties I was facing during the ups and downs of multiple Covid lockdowns. However, here I am finally applying what I learned from the book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson. The author had a great concept we all pretty much knew, yet he didn't tell us what we could do to stop giving a f*ck. I mean these people really deserved their faces on my punching bag (if I had one, that is). I knew that these people do not deserve an ounce of my energy but it was difficult to let go. Keep reading if you want to know how I managed to not give a f*ck anymore.
By November, my dad suffered from a major stroke which almost cost him his life, but he pulled through. Without going through the details of his illness, the trip I took back home to visit him unveiled huge revelations. I was hyperfocused on my family as we all pulled together to help my dad recover. At that moment, I had forgotten about the pain inflicted by those ex-partners and they no longer held any powers over me. My family needed 200% of my energy and all that I had. Yes, it came with challenges because we all had strong opinions and wanted things to be done a certain way. I also became the go-between/peace-keeper at times to smooth things out, and at times, I had to make my stand and stir the pot.
I saw how my parents took their health for granted and made excuses for not eating healthy or exercising regularly. During my stay, I had no space nor the time to exercise because we were in the all-hands-on-deck type of situation. It made me realize that eating well and exercising are privileges that not everyone has. The most I had done was a couple of sets of push-ups and squads during the entire month. I suddenly missed exercising and missed my vegetables as imported vegetables are very expensive in Fiji.
Upon my return, my entire perspective towards workouts had changed. I embraced it and look forward to it. It is no longer a chore. I didn't wait till 2022 to start working out again. It felt good to be moving and taking care of myself. Moreover, my mind is no longer consumed by @ssholes who do not deserve my time. I no longer give a f@ck because now I have better things to do with my time. I stopped giving them power over my energy.
Through it all, I am thankful for great friends who were there and continue to be a big part of my support system. I am grateful that they lent their ears to my awful stories of struggles and challenges and patiently waited for me to come out of certain situations. Without them, I would be crawling into a certain hole and probably won't make it back out. I believe that by removing things and people who do not deserve my attention I had allowed me to focus on doing the things I love and supporting those who deserve my energy.
I am uber excited about 2022, especially with the lessons I have learned from 2021. I feel very positive about the upcoming year and the things I am setting myself up for. I wish you all the best and many happy returns for the kindness you have shown others and yourself. Cheers!!
Eva
P.S. Pictures taken by my dear friend and partner in crime, Steven
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